


My Cheat Code for Happiness

by featherliterature



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Depression, First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Music, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-07 22:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5472662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/featherliterature/pseuds/featherliterature
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The day I met you should have been the best day of my life, because you were the only one that could make me happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tattoos

**Author's Note:**

  * For [missrem](https://archiveofourown.org/users/missrem/gifts).



> I thank everyone for giving me a chance and reading this. Also, have a very Merry Christmas.

Dan Howell pushed up the sleeves of his black tee-shirt, staring at the mark on his forearm. He looked up at the mirror, seeing the tattoo reflected back at him. He had been wearing long sleeves for as long as he could remember, and it was all because of the tattoo — the lyrics of his soul-mate’s favourite song. He hated it. The lyrics kept changing, sometimes every week, but other times almost every day. He hated how much he would obsess over it, examining his tattoo twice every day, listening to the songs. Each and every one of them. Heck, he even had a notebook where he would list down every single song and the lyrics that appeared on his forearm.  


He hated how he didn’t want to know who his soul-mate was, though at the same time, he really did. But most of all, he hated how… happy those lyrics were. He bit his lip, studying the lyrics that said, _“Standing in the hall of fame, and the world’s gonna know your name, ‘cause you burn with the brightest flame.”_  


“Bullshit,” He muttered, “how could someone so cheery be my soul-mate?” Maybe his soul-mate knew Dan was a loser. Maybe he was just trying to taunt him. No, it’s impossible: no one’s ever seen his tattoo. No one could possibly know.  


There was no doubt that people would judge him if they ever saw his forearm, for Dan Howell did not deserve a soul-mate, much less one that had such an adorable personality.  


-  


Phil frowned at his tattoo. _“R.I.P to my youth, and you could call this my funeral?”_ He rubbed at it gently. “The one last week was _‘My legs are dangling off the edge, the bottom of the bottle is my only friend, I think I'll slit my wrists again and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone’._ ”  


His mother looked up from her book. “Well, it seems to me he’s suffering from depression. I would never have thought that someone like that would be your soul-mate.”  


“Mum… is there anything I could do to help him?” He sighed, looking down at the tattoo on the back of his hand.  


“You can’t do anything if you don’t know who he is.” She said, glancing at Phil.  


_“Then… all I have to do is find him, right?”_  


-  


The door chimed behind Dan as he left the convenience store, taking a sip of the coffee. He looked towards the sky, dark patches swarmed around grey clouds, like a slightly ill omen. _“So much for just a can of coffee.”_ The chilly air kissed his cheek and he almost grimaced at the intimacy.  


England had its fair share of frequent downpours and gloomy weather. If there was one thing he had learnt from past experiences, it was that he had better be on his way back. He took a step forward. Suddenly, he saw something being swung at him and he flinched. Unfortunately, the object collided with his stomach, causing him to drop his coffee. He doubled over, cursing under his breath.  


“I-I’m so sorry, the umbrella wouldn’t extend-” The man’s voice had a shrill ring to it. Dan looked in the direction of the voice. He noted the man’s mildly flamboyant blue jumper which was in stark contrast to his all-black attire. Disgusting.  
He walked off without a second glance, clicking his tongue as raindrops fell on him. Quickening his pace, he saw passers-by running for shelter left and right, making him feel like Moses parting the red sea. But the rain became heavier and heavier, and with a final howl of thunder, everything came crashing down like the glass of an aquarium smashing.  


Or at least it should have. His view was completely blocked by a blue umbrella. Turning to his right, he saw the man from before. “Um, sorry for hitting you in the stomach just now,” the man forced a polite smile, “it was an accident.”  


This person was being nice to Dan when he had absolutely no reason to be. Dan had always found it irksome whenever anyone displayed themselves as some good-natured Samaritan, manipulative, even. But he seemed to be sincere enough so even Dan found it in himself to be able to choke out a soft “Thanks.”  


“So where are you going?”  


Dan contemplated between answering and ignoring. Well, no harm in making some small talk. “Home. I turn left up ahead.”  


“I see.”  


Silence.  


Dan moved his head slightly to the right. All this time, it had been eating away at him. He regretted not paying more attention to the rest of the man’s appearance beside his clothes. _“Sure, human goodness is rare but you still shouldn’t be quick to judge.”_ Was what Dan thought.  
Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of a faint mark.  


“Yes?” The man looked back at him.  


“…Your hand.” Dan’s eyes were wide open. “That’s…your tattoo, right?”  


“Yeah, my soul-mate seems to really like a band called ‘The Neighbourhood’.”  


His heart almost stopped at the mention of his favourite band. “…Can I see the lyrics?”  


“Sure, go ahead.” The man used his other hand to secure the umbrella, relinquishing the grip from his other hand. He showed it face-up to Dan.  


This was it. The day he had been waiting for. He had played out almost every single scenario possible in which he and his soul-mate would meet. But he never thought that it would be like this. His knees went numb and the falling of the rain pounded in his ears. He bit his lip, feeling sick to his stomach.  


Finally, he glanced up at the face that he was aching to see for so damn long. Those striking blue irises seemed to pierce right into his soul. Dan didn’t need to see to know that, he was completely distraught. He took a step back, and then another. And he ran through the rain, leaving a trail of misery behind him.  


Behind him, he could only hear, “wait, are you-?” before the man stopped speaking abruptly as soon as he saw the affirmation given by the tattoo fading away. They always did after you met your other half.  


Not that Dan deserved that title one bit.  


-  


So this was it. He had met his soul-mate. For everyone else, it would be the start of a lovely relationship. But for Dan Howell, it meant that his life was already _over_. It was stupid of him to have even thought that meeting his soul-mate would make his life better. Or that he had a life in the first place. Worst of all, he had literally bolted. _The point is: he had left and he would never see him again._  


And it _hurt like hell._  


He pulled up the sleeve of his black jumper. The tattoo was no longer there. It was gone, and he would never see him again. He collapsed onto the bed, tears threatening to fall. He rubbed the spot where his tattoo used to be. Burying his face in his pillow, the man’s handsome face, bright blue eyes and his gaudy jumper was all he could think about. _What would have happened instead if he hadn’t left? Would he have been just a bit happier at this very moment?_  


_He wished he’d never met him._  


_Blatant lies._  


_He’d do anything to see him again._  


-  


At best, Phil Lester was a pack of sunshine condensed into an adorably huge space, though at worst, he was a void. A void was a void. Nothing more, nothing less. Simply put, he had always felt that there was something horribly wrong in his life, not because of his inherent clumsiness but just that there was something missing. Something you couldn’t live without, something irreplaceable, unique and all.  


He would never forget the day words came to life, taking the form of his soul-mate as lyrics from his favourite song on his hand.  


Neither would he forget the day his soul-mate took a glance at his face and left.  


But he had forgotten one thing, or rather, he had chosen not to remember — the fact that he wasn’t good enough. Not for his soul-mate, nor for anyone else.  


Though the day the tattoo vanished from his hand, along with his soul-mate, was enough to make him never forget ever again.  


_What would have happened then if he had chased after his soul-mate? Would he have been just a bit happier at this very moment?_


	2. Puppet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those strings bound him to his soul-mate. It was stupid of him not to realise.

Dan Howell’s eyes glowed an iridescent brown sheen from the moonlight radiating through his window. The ticking of the clock pounded in his head as he watched the hands of the clock maneuver in a humdrum roundabout path, reminding him of society and all in it. Just like blind mice, they were fooled by the devil’s promises of education being the only pathway in life. You’d then proceed with a career you’d picked, albeit begrudgingly, get married at some point and then… nothing. After all, you lose everything once you die.  


No, people like that had never lived in the first place. Catering to society’s each and every whim without having a purpose couldn’t be called living. At best, it could only be called existing. If you existed only for the sake of existing, you couldn’t be alive. You’re only a puppet, with programmed emotions and fake notions of reality.  


After the fifth time the hands passed the twelfth junction, Dan looked into the distant, far, far away; where there was no such thing as society, or rules or expectations that conformed people to a life of a puppet. In fact, there was nothing at all.  


Finally contented, he turned to his side and murmured, “Happy birthday, Dan,” despite being a lifeless puppet lacking the programmed emotions and fake notions of reality he loathed so much.  


-  


When he had finally woken up nine hours later, like a vampire emerging from his coffin, he decided to do something different that day. He wasn’t exactly adventurous, or ambitious, just slightly tired of the same old routine. Oh no, he wasn’t excited about his birthday either. He hated excitable people and the way they spoke about their passion. They were just so fake.  


He had decided to get some fresh air and sunlight while he was at it. Yes, him. The vampire that sought refuge in his coffin while normal people went about their normal life and did other normal stuff at normal times of the day. But to Dan, normal people were boring but somehow equal parts interesting, so he could at least try to do something out of the ordinary on his birthday. Like being a normal person.  


Because that’s totally what normal people do on their birthdays.  


-  


The sky had cleared up a lot since the last time Dan had gone out. It was slightly less chilly, and the sun seemed to be emitting more heat. As he walked past a flower shop, he stared at the long line of customers waiting to be served, most of them carrying bouquets of red roses.  


Dan didn’t think that buying roses was a particularly normal thing to do but the number of customers in the store had obviously already proven him wrong. But oh well, he could use a bit of a souvenir to remind him of a rare stroll he had taken on his birthday. He took a bouquet of roses hovering on the stand next to him and moved to the end of the line. He took out his phone from his pocket, scrolling through his tumblr feed, occasionally pausing to view adorable gifs of animals and smile.  


“You too?” Dan momentarily looked up to see a woman turning around to talk to the lady in front of him. He looked back towards his phone, pretending to be absorbed in surfing the internet.  


“Yes, isn’t it strange how there’s such an increase in soul-mates’ first meetings? It seems magical even.”  
His fingers stopped and his phone nearly slipped out of his hand.  


“June sure is a romantic month.”  


He felt like he was being dunked in icy cold water.  


As the two women continued their conversation, he took a deep breath, trying to recover his normal breathing. He placed his phone back in his pocket, and rubbed his palms together to control his shivering.  


It was okay. Everything was okay. It had nothing to do with him.  


He tried to take his mind off things by entertaining himself with his thoughts, something he was good at doing while waiting for the line to become shorter and shorter, and Dan soon found himself at the front.  


He paid for the flowers and quickly left the store, giving it a sniff only to cringe at its slightly overbearing sweet aroma. As he strolled along the path, his nose picked an unfamiliar scent. He faltered a bit before walking in the direction of the smell and ended up in front of a cake shop. He almost glared at the walls which were a mishmash of colours: baby pink on one side, bright yellow on the other, reddish orange, as well as a wall that was a bluish-green hue.  


It was way too colourful for Dan’s liking. In actual fact, he should have been repelled. But despite the aesthetic of the shop clashing with his own personal preference, it still felt oddly welcoming. And so he stepped into the shop. There was a vacant space behind the counter which seemed out of place but Dan appreciated being left on his own.  


He walked towards the counter and glanced at the displays, the polished glass accentuating the quality of the cakes. A few, with various flavours were lined up behind the glass and all of them looked impeccable. Not too done, or even a bit uncooked. The presentation or icing wasn’t in any way subpar. Dan could have even been ashamed of himself for his lack of culinary skills if he hadn’t been so busy taking photos with his phone.  


“Hello, do you need some help?”  


_Oh great, now he could feel ashamed, albeit for an entirely different reason._  


“N-No thanks, um- I just think your cakes are really nice,” He quickly hid his phone behind his back and turned his attention to the woman behind the counter.  


“Oh my, thank you so much! Though I believe my son plays an equal role, or perhaps even more than myself in the maintenance of the store.” The lady grinned, gesturing animatedly.  


Dan was curious to say the least, it wasn’t like he thought baking was a feminine thing but what kind of a man could own a cakery and still preserve his masculinity, was what he wanted to know.  


“Oh come on, Mum.”  


A figure emerged from the kitchen.  


_Dan almost died._ He wanted nothing more than to crawl back into the black hole he called his home and just stay there forever. He stood there regretting all his life decisions that built up to this very moment as the man — unarguably his soul-mate stood there speechless. Turning on his heel, he prepared to flee the shop as fast as he could but the man grabbed his arm faster than he could leave.  


“Why do you want to leave so badly?” The weight of the man’s despair echoed in his head.  


“Go ahead then… shake me off if you hate me that much.” His voice was almost on the verge of cracking. It was painful to hear. It didn’t have to be this way. He had hurt his soul-mate by trying to run away and the worst part was that he didn’t even mean to.  


“I… don’t hate you.” The grip on his arm loosened momentarily, as he spoke. “I just think this soul-mate system is too… convenient.” Slowly, he turned to look at the man’s face.  


“You’re afraid to be played by the system, aren’t you? Is that why you try to run away, so you won’t become a player at all?” Those gorgeous blue eyes stared into his. “But we’re all actually playing the system. We make use of it to find our happy ever after. It’s like our cheat code for happiness.”  


Dan listened, mouth agape with incredulity. He had never thought like that before. He was afraid of being played but he could never fully remove the system’s influence from his life. In the end, he was just another puppet. No, he was the only one being played by the system, while the rest of the world played the system.  


It was pathetic. But it didn’t have to be.  


“For you.” He muttered, holding out the bouquet of roses towards his soul-mate.


	3. Epilogue: How It Should Have Been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was Dan Howell’s fault for falling in love with Phil Lester but it was a blame he would readily take.

A year ago, if you had told Dan Howell that he would go out more often in the future, he wouldn’t have believed you. If you had told him that his wardrobe would not consist of solely black, he would have laughed at you. And if you had told him that he would be in love with and living with his soul-mate (who has a morbid obsession with houseplants), he would have told you to go see a therapist.  


But here he was, lying on his soul-mate’s lap, having his hair fondled.  


“You’re so cute, Dan.” He muttered, bending down to kiss Dan on the forehead.  


“P-Phil, you shouldn’t be looking for cuteness in a guy that’s a hundred and ninety centimetres tall.” Visibly flustered, he moved to sit beside Phil.  


“I could say the same for you.” He grinned, pulling Dan onto his lap, who obliged after doing an exaggerated eye roll.  


Suddenly, Dan turned around; placing his head on Phil’s shoulder and hugging him close. “U-Um, I’m sorry I made you feel that you weren’t good enough.”  


“If you’re really sorry,” Phil mumbled, gently tousling his hair, “then promise me that you’ll never be depressed again.”  


“Of course,” He said as they hooked pinkies, “after all, the system may be our cheat code for happiness but you’ll always be the hacker that hijacked my heart.”  


“T-That’s so cheesy and Dan, I-I can’t hack!” Phil spluttered, his cheeks glowing.  


“Liar.” He parted his lips, moving them closer inch by inch to Phil’s; until strong arms gripped his waist and pulled him closer, lips meeting his. Gently, Phil wrapped his tongue around Dan’s. He felt Dan moan into the kiss as he deepened it, running his hands all over Dan’s body. Just then, Dan pulled away, covering his face with his hands.  


Laughing, Phil choked out, “are you sitting on the F5 key? ‘Cause your ass is refreshing.”  


“N-No! Pervert!" Dan yelled, despite letting himself be dragged towards the bedroom.  


It was Dan Howell’s fault for falling in love with Phil Lester but it was a blame he would readily take.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a Merry Christmas everyone, hope you like my fic! Please leave a comment below about how you feel about it. Actually, it's my first phanfic but it's half decent at least... I think? Sorry about the cringe-worthy pick-up lines, I love them too much and I got some inspiration (some speech) from K Project and Haikyuu!! because I'm a major anime nerd aye. Have fun guys, enjoy Christmas!


End file.
